Don’t bleed all your blood out, ma’am

Instructions from the doctor, after he decided that the best treatment for my cold from hell was foot surgery. He used a mint-green plastic scalpel to make the incision. He then realized he had left his mint-green plastic stethoscope in his office and rushed off to get it, saying he would be right back and not to bleed all my blood out.

I’m watching my symptoms and will alert the New England Journal of Medicine should the treatment work.

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